Sunday, October 30, 2016

13 psychological tricks that help in communicating with anyone

13 psychological tricks that help in communicating with anyone

13 psychological tricks that help in communicating with anyone


Sometimes we strike a wrong chord with someone, or feel uncomfortable to ask somebody about something.    Today, Bright Side will tell you the techniques which can help you build good relationships with anybody.


  1. If the answer doesn’t suit you — for example, the person you are talking to left something unsaid, wasn’t clear, or lied — don’t ask again. Instead, simply look silently and attentively into his or her eyes. This technique will get him or her cornered, and the person will be forced to continue his or her thoughts. 

  2. If someone yells at you, make an effort to keep calm, staying absolutely impassive. The first reaction of a loudmouth is usually anger, which your behavior can provoke, but it will quickly subside. Then the next reaction will fade in — the sense of guilt for his or her defiant and aggressive behavior. Most likely, the insulter will be the first to ask for forgiveness.
  3.  
  4. If you know that a person is going to criticize you (make comments or blame you), gather your courage and try to sit or stand beside him or her. In this case, the person will relent and say less negative things about you, than if you were at a distance.
  5.  
  6. Eating meals is always associated with peace and security, so we eat at home, surrounded by our own walls, more often. That’s why, if you’re really worried, just chew some gum. It will trick your brain making the impression that you are eating and there is nothing to worry about, so you will feel more confident and relaxed after a while.
  7.  
  8. An old and proven method being used by many students in exams. They imagine that a professor is their good and close friend, so they feel calmer, and it becomes easier for them to find right answers to the questions. This technique is effective in other situations as well. Try it before an important job interview!
  9.  
  10. If everyone in a group starts laughing at once, everybody instinctively looks at the person who they like most, or with whom they want to get closer. Therefore, observe everyone’s eyes after a successful joke — you will learn a lot.
  11.  
  12. Meeting someone, express a little more joy than usual towards the person. For example, smile sincerely or try to say his or her name gently and warmly. Over time, you will start referring much better to this person, and the pleasure of meeting will be sincere.
  13.  
  14. If your work is connected to people, it’s possible to «force» them to behave more politely and kindly. Put a mirror behind your workplace, so your interlocutors will always see their reflections. As a rule, people always try to look their best in a mirror and don’t want to see themselves as evil nor harmful. So, they will smile more for sure!
  15.  
  16. If you want to catch the attention of a person you like, stare at something directly behind his or her shoulders. Once you realize that you had caught the person’s sight, quickly look into his or her eyes and gently smile. It works flawlessly!
  17.  
  18. In fact, we can control our stress. When you are very worried, you begin breathing deeper, and your heart starts pounding faster. Try to force yourself to breathe calmer and balance your heartbeat. Trust us — it’s in your power.
  19.  
  20. In order to woo a person in your first meeting and get his or her sympathy, try to specify the color of his or her eyes when you meet. Eye contact always works effectively.
  21.  
  22. Initially, raise the bar while declaring any requirements or terms. Most likely, a person won’t agree to them, and refuse. However, he or she would definitely agree on the actual terms that you would offer later. People tend to cave in to your smaller request if they have denied you something bigger before.
  23.  
  24. People are drawn to those who are confident in themselves and their actions, so just show that you know what you are talking about (even if it’s not so).
Our mimicry is closely related to our emotions: we raise our eyebrows when we are touched and squint our eyes while crying. Conversely, our facial expressions affect our internal state, too. If you make a face similar to your crying face, it’s likely that tears will want to come out on their own. Use this ability with benefit — smile! Smile for no reason, and after a few seconds, your smile will become real and sincere!

5 Great Psychological Tricks That Can Help You Communicate With Anyone

5 Great Psychological Tricks That Can Help You Communicate With Anyone

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Communicating with others can be a difficult task, especially when the person you’re trying to speak with makes it hard. But, communication is the foundation of any solid relationship, from your best friends to your romantic partners.
So, it would behoove you to know a few psychological tricks of communication that can steer conversation in a positive direction.
Here are five psychological tricks that will help you build better relationships:


When you get an answer you don’t like
Sometimes we get behaviors and communication that we don’t like. Like when a person lies to you, isn’t clear on something, or just leaves out an important detail entirely. When this happens, don’t ask for them to elaborate; remain calm and silent, and look them straight in the eyes attentively.
They will likely feel forced into finishing any thoughts that got left out.


When you get yelled at
Stay calm and passive when someone yells at you. When a person snaps at you, it’s because their first reaction to adversity is anger. If you remain silent and calm, their anger will subside, allowing them to feel a follow-up emotion from yelling at you: guilt.
This will often result in them apologizing for getting upset with you.


When you’re in group settings
Pay attention to how people react after a joke is made or when they laugh. When multiple people start laughing in the group at the same time, they will instinctively look at the person they like the most, first. Whoever they look at first can also mean it’s a person they would like to get close to.
Watch closely, and you can learn a great deal about those around you.


When you’re trying to catch someone’s attention
If you find yourself smitten by a particular person and want them to notice you, find something behind one of their shoulders to stare at. Then, once you see that you’ve caught their attention, look them in the eyes and give a soft smile. It works every time.


When you’re trying to negotiate
A fairly common practice when it comes to making deals with others, many people like to throw out steep requirements and stipulations as a first move, with the hope that they can talk the person down to the deal that they originally wanted the whole time.
For example, if I want a dozen peaches for $5, my first offer might be $5 for 20 peaches. Then, when they say that’s too many, I’d agree to 12 peaches for $5. People will often accept smaller requests after larger ones have been denied.

Nail Biting Is A Sign Of THIS Personality Trait!

Nail Biting Is A Sign Of THIS Personality Trait!


If you asked a bunch of people what they thought about nail-biting, most of them would probably describe it as a nervous habit.
But, according to new research, anxiety might not actually be the driving force behind finger-chomping and other ‘body-focused repetitive behaviors.’
Instead, the study – published in the Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry – points the finger at… perfectionism?
“We believe that individuals with these repetitive behaviors may be perfectionistic, meaning that they are unable to relax and to perform tasks at a normal pace,” said study author Dr. Kieron O’Connor. “They are therefore prone to frustration, impatience and dissatisfaction when they do not reach their goals.”
In other words, it’s not anxiety that nail-biters are trying to quell; it’s frustration.

 

 

The Study

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To reach this conclusion, researchers studied 48 participants. Half of them were individuals who engaged in repetitive behaviors like nail-biting.They had the participants fill out a number of surveys designed to test their organizational behavior and emotion regulation.

Subsequently, the nail-biters were identified as organizational perfectionists. As reported by Scientific American, organizational perfectionism is characterized by a tendency to over-plan, over-work and become frustrated by a lack of activity.

Nail-biting helps perfectionists feel less frustrated in the present. As you might expect, it helps them release some of that pent up energy and intention.
However, this satisfaction does not last very long as it’s quickly replaced by pain and, potentially, embarrassment.

 

Potential Impact of the Study

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While nail-biting might seem like a relatively harmless activity, it actually has the potential to cause quite a bit of long-term damage.
According to WebMD, nail-biting can lead to infections, weakened teeth and shame-inducing deformation of the fingernails.

Those risks, along with the prevalence of nail-biting, have made it a prime target for psychotherapists, who try to help their patients move past the behavior.
This new study has the potential to help those therapists better understand their patients and what causes their behavior.

“These findings suggest that individuals suffering from body-focused repetitive behaviors could benefit from treatments designed to reduce frustration and boredom and to modify perfectionist beliefs,” said Sarah Roberts, one of the study’s additional authors.

Do you frequently bite your nails? Would you consider yourself a perfectionist?


  • You think in very black and white, ‘all-or-nothing’ terms.
  • You’re very hard on yourself.
  • When you don’t achieve a goal, you become depressed.
  • Even when you do achieve a goal, that success is not enough to make you happy.
  • You never start a project until the ‘right’ moment – which often never seems to come.
  •  
The good news is that, when managed correctly, perfectionism can actually make you an incredibly driven and talented person. Check out this book from Dr. Martin M. Antony and Dr. Richard Swinson to learn more.

Thursday, October 27, 2016

How to Supercharge Your Dopamine Levels to Never Feel Sad, Stressed or Depressed Again

How to Supercharge Your Dopamine Levels to Never Feel Sad, Stressed or Depressed Again

How to Supercharge Your Dopamine Levels to Never Feel Sad, Stressed or Depressed Again



2. Avoid Addictions

Addiction to alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, and even shopping, provide an instant pleasure, but it is not a permanent solution. Additions only temporarily satisfy our needs. Moreover, addictions alter our lifestyle in favor of the source of the addiction, and it is a wicked cycle. Therefore, you should try and lower the risk of developing addictions, enjoy life, and find things that provide deeper calmness and happiness. Also, it is of great importance to work a job you enjoy.



3. Detoxification

Make sure you regularly detoxify your system, as the accumulation of toxins and bacteria in the body prevents the dopamine production and weakens the immunity.

4. Increase Tyrosine

Tyrosine is one of the 22 essential amino acids used for the creation of proteins. It is actually the most important chemical for the dopamine production of dopamine. Besides dopamine, it also has the potential to elevate norepinephrine levels. In order to raise its levels in the body, you should consume green tea, watermelon, almonds, bananas, avocados, and dark chocolate.

5. Music

Dopamine levels are also increased through listening to music, even though it may be short-term. Therefore, use music as a common way to raise dopamine levels.

6. Organize your life

The levels of dopamine are raised in the case of organized small daily tasks, even though they are hard at times. You should write your tasks down on a piece of paper, and check them off. In this way, you will be satisfied as you note that you finish them one by one. The Principles of Self-Management state that if a task represents a change of 25% (or bigger change) in the routine, you will feel unable to finish it, and often ends up with a self-sabotage or giving up. Y If the task changes 10% of your routine, you will succeed to complete it, as you will believe it is small. Therefore, balance tasks to be 10 and 25% of new behaviors, in order to try new and challenging things, but still not too difficult to complete.

7. Creativity

The levels of dopamine in the brain are also elevated with a creative activity. This will also keep you focused. You do not need to become a world-known artist but try dancing, singing, writing, sculpturing, painting, drawing, cooking, knitting, making crafts, and auto repair, and you will feel much better right away.

8. Get a Streak Going

In this sense, “streak” will mean a visual reminder of the number of times in a row you do something. This is similar to organizing the tasks, and accomplishing them. This will raise the levels of dopamine, and make you happier and satisfied. You should use a calendar, written your goals, and plan when to complete them. As soon as you finish the task, mark it off on your calendar. Yet, the drawback of the ‘streak’ is routine, so you should find a way to enhance the performance.

9. Supplementation

Dopamine levels can also be raised through supplementation, such as:
  • Curcumin, the active ingredient in turmeric, effectively increases dopamine in the brain.
  • Ginkgo Biloba has a potential to raise dopamine levels as well.
  • Acetyl-l-tyrosine is a building block of dopamine, so a healthy dose of it supports the production of dopamine in the brain.
  • L-theanine increases numerous neurotransmitters in the brain, including dopamine. Green tea is a rich source of l-theanine.

10. Meditation

Meditation raises the levels of dopamine in a different way that cardio exercises. It improves your mood, creates mental energy, and relaxes the mind. Meditation is an efficient way to reduce stress on a daily basis.

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Four Steps to Feeling Better about Yourself

Four Steps to Feeling Better about Yourself

Self-criticism and low self-worth can hold us back. Here’s how to start banishing those negative beliefs.

  
What gives you a sense of self-worth?
Data from my well-being survey recently revealed that positive self-views (or feeling good about oneself, a general belief that we are good, worthwhile human beings) were the best predictor of happiness—even more so than 19 other emotional processes including gratitude and strong personal relationships. Positive self-views emerge from self-esteem, self-acceptance, and self-worth, among other things.
Why are positive self-views so essential to well-being? Because these views not only affect how we feel; they also affect our thoughts and behaviors. When we feel bad about ourselves, we unconsciously act in ways that end up confirming our beliefs. For example, if we feel like we are not good enough for a good relationship, a good job, or financial stability, we stop pursuing these goals with the intensity required to reach them, or we sabotage ourselves along the way.
So how do we break out of the negative cycle? Below I highlight four ways that you can start to promote positive self-views and begin to change the patterns of your life.

1. Figure out your needs

When we don’t feel good about ourselves, it’s easy to think that there’s something fundamentally wrong with us; it feels deeply rooted and unchangeable. In reality, though, we may have failed to clarify (and then pursue) exactly what would make us feel like a person that we could love.
People tend to feel badly about themselves when they feel powerless to get their needs met—so you can start this process by figuring out what your needs are. But be careful: It’s important that we don’t start demanding that the people in our lives fulfill our every want. Rather, clarify for yourself what you need. What people, places, or experiences are must-haves to live a fulfilling life? What aspects of your life—if removed—would leave you without a sense of purpose? Really think carefully about this and try not to consider others’ needs right now.
Now, every person has different needs. For example, many people feel that they need to have children; this is one of those things that they need to do in this life to feel whole. Other people need to travel. I personally need to love what I do for a living. Without this, my life would feel meaningless to me. But everyone is different.
If you’re having a hard time figuring out your needs, just reflect on times in your life when you weren’t thriving. What was missing?

2. Live authentically

You figured out your needs already, right? If your needs are being met, this step is easy. Just keep them in mind, and don’t stray too far from living a life that is authentically yours.
But what if your needs aren’t being met? You have to start thinking about how you will communicate your needs, how you will start creating a life that meets your needs, and what you will do if people in your life can’t meet those needs.
This step was really hard for me. I discovered that some of my core needs were not being met. It was easier in many ways to just go with the flow than to be more direct about exactly what I needed and exactly what would happen in the future if those needs weren’t met. I drew some scary lines in the sand and clarified for myself exactly what my deal breakers were—deal breakers for my friendships, my marriage, and my work life. At the same time, I discovered that I had been pushing to get my wants met, even though they were not so important. I prioritized, focused, and communicated my needs with brutal honesty, and I let everything else go.
It’s funny how standing up for yourself and living a life that is authentically yours generates positive self-views. I now have more positive views of myself because I pushed for what matters to me. It was terrifying to put myself first, but it was worth it.

3. Forgive yourself

Now that you understand your needs and have a plan for getting them met, you are on your way to feeling that sense of self-assuredness that comes from having control over your own life. You’re moving in the right direction. But what about those past mistakes? You know, those things you’re not so proud of? Almost everyone has said something hurtful, forgotten an important event, or betrayed someone they love.
We have to remember that our mistakes do not define us. They do not make us good people or bad people. If we learn and grow from them, then they make us better people. To develop positive self-views, you must keep in mind that everyone makes mistakes. Forgive yourself, and give yourself credit for trying not to make the same mistakes again.

4. Celebrate your quirks

Each of us is one of a kind. When we cherish our eccentricities and celebrate our flaws, we begin to develop a deep love for ourselves just as we are. Instead of focusing on all the things wrong with us, self-celebration enables us to derive deep satisfaction from being uniquely us. Practice self-celebration by enjoying your awkward laugh or poking fun at your inability to remember people’s names. Or you can do as I do, and smile big for pictures to show off your buck tooth.
While celebrating your quirks, don’t forget to keep growing. Keep your eyes and ears open to the people you trust. Listen when they tell you that you have work to do on yourself. It doesn’t make you bad, just human. People you care about will be the ones that help you distinguish between flaws that need acceptance and flaws that need fixing. (Remember, you want others to get their needs met, too.) This part is crucial, and it keeps us from sliding out of self-love and into complacency.
In sum, feeling positively about ourselves takes effort. But by changing our views, we can change our lives.

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

why Men Don't "hear" women & Why Men Don't Listen


Why Most Men Don’t “Hear” Women

“The word LISTEN contains the same letters as the word SILENT.” – Alfred Brendel

We don’t need to regurgitate scientific studies to demonstrate that most men are poor listeners… just ask the nearest woman to you.

On the otherhand, some men consider themselves to be an excellent listeners. Research can suggest it depends on their personality or cogntive recognition.
Many men are subpar listeners in relationships. Science has confirmed it multiple times.

So, why is this exactly? While we discuss why most (not all!) men are poor listeners from a relationship and gender angle, some of the reasons discussed transcend that relationship.
In so doing, perhaps we may be able to help two groups of people: (1) the potentially-troubled male listener, and (2) women in a relationship with #1!
Let’s get after it.

Here are 10 reasons why most men don’t “hear” women:

1. Expecting mutual agreement

See, women are often right…but not always. Sometimes in a committed relationship, it is common for a woman to “expect” a sort-of mutual understanding on a variety of things.
This is kind of a touchy topic since, in the beginning, the man seemed to agree to the majority of what the woman was saying. Once a relationship develops, however, a man has less “incentive” to concede and feels more comfortable speaking his own mind.
It’s healthy for two people to not always share the same opinion on matters. No need to argue, just accept the other’s point of view.

2. Not “getting to the point”

Women are fond of iterating details that seems, to them, a way of heightening intimacy. In a very real way, this perspective carries merit. Details in and of themselves are intimate in nature. However, men are not particularly adept at staying “tuned in.” Men are more comfortable with the point of a dialogue as opposed to the finer details.
Perhaps the best way to go about this is to pose a question first, and THEN fill in the finer details. This allows the man to “connect the dots” and should give ample enough time to form an opinion.

3. Trying too hard to impress

A man is already impressed with you, as he is already WITH you. As such, it is not necessary to continually “prove your worth” by rehashing things that seem impressive. By natural design, men feel an obligation to provide for themselves and their loved ones.
Part of this means accepting the fact that men are more comfortable with achievement and status amongst peers, rather than with their partner.

4. He’s busy doing something

Not all men are very good multitaskers. If a man happens to be preoccupied with something, it is best to be patient and allow him to complete the task first. It doesn’t matter if it’s a football game, a nap, or something else.
Be patient and make sure your man is ready to listen.

5. Insistence on venting



Venting is something that men can be tremendouslyuncomfortable with. The reason is that, while we want to support you, we’re a bit taken aback by the slew of information that is being directed towards us. Again, men are not as comfortable with engaging in emotional dialogue as women are.
Chalk another one up to evolutionary design.

6. Expecting mutual interest

This one is somewhat similar to the problems with assuming mutual agreement. Many (many) couples already have a solid understanding as to what makes the other person “tick.” However, when a novel situation arises, it may be tempting to revert back to that honeymoon phase where we both anticipate a consensus to just about anything.

7. He’s confused

Men are very linear thinkers, in general. Women have a talent for constructing abstract thoughts and subsequently verbalizing them. When men are caught up with a whirlwind of competing thought processes, they are easily confused; finding it difficult to both sustain attention and deliver appropriate feedback.
Give some time and space, let him compose his bearings, and then explain what’s going on.

8. Real or perceived “nagging”

Here’s another touchy topic. What women perceive as appropriate dialogue; a man can construe as pointless. Due to the fact that men are not as good of listeners, we’re more apt to simply label such a one-way conversation as “nagging.”
Many reasons can be attributed to this perception; mainly that men are sometimes unequipped to engage in conversation that is anything beyond the typical. Regardless, it benefits both persons to “check in” with each other to ensure mutual understanding. It helps to cut off any potential distractions as well.

9. Expecting “friend-like” communication

For the most part, two people in a relationship communicate very differently with each other than with other people. Women seek to be understood more than men do, in general. As such, female conversations with female friends and associates is bound to be more laden with empathetic emotion and mutual understanding.


Carrying this anticipatory expectation into a dialogue with a man, however, rarely results in something constructive. As mentioned, men just view the overall point of communication differently than most women.

10…And then there’s texting….

Not much elaboration needed here. Texting about anything else than trivial matters is not a good form of communication between two people involved in a relationship.
Hopefully, with the differences cited here, we can all understand why.

10 Reasons Most Men Don’t Listen


Men are fundamentally different than women. Yet, a recent study showed that men and women speak about the same number of words per day on average. The stereotype that men are mostly mute and women are chatterboxes is just a stereotype. The conversations may be different. As this study showed, in general, men spoke about sports and gadgets while women mostly spoke about relationships.
Men and women tend to approach problems differently and have their own coded languages. Most people, men and women, do not listen to understand. They hear and are already concluding what needs to be replied. Both, men and women, are constantly ready to exchange ideas or opinions. The only difference with men and women in terms of communication is that women are emotional beings. Men are not always driven by their emotions. They need a beginning, middle and ending in a quicker manner.

Here are some of the Reasons men don’t listen:  

 

 Men Don’t Understand What Women Want

Women, in general, speak with emotions that men cannot decipher at times. Men tend to be direct when they want or need something. Women need to rationalize, express and process through words and how they feel. Men need to get down to the point. Often times, when a woman wants to be heard she has a hard time expressing exactly what it is that she needs. Women are moved by how others feel. They don’t want to hurt others. They are nurturing and deeply aware of their surroundings.
Author, John Gray of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, says that, When a man can listen to a woman’s feelings without getting angry and frustrated, he gives her a wonderful gift. He makes it safe for her to express herself. The more she is able to express herself, the more she feels heard and understood, and the more she is able to give a man the loving trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, and encouragement that he needs.”

Men Can’t Handle The Dumping

The art of conversation requires not just listening but understanding what is being said. Men call it “dumping” and may feel that their woman is essentially unloading all of her emotional baggage onto him. Because men are genetically wired differently, they feel overwhelmed by all the emotions. A man begins to feel frustrated because he can’t “fix” the issue or problem. It isn’t that he’s not hearing what his counterpart has expressed. It’s just that he can’t resolve to a quick solution in order to ease her stress. And to him, this sort of venting is challenging. It feels as if he’s being attacked. Men don’t process their emotions very well and they usually have their own stress in a giant backpack that has to be unloaded. It’s not that they aren’t listening. It’s just that they are protecting themselves from their own emotional turmoil that they can’t release the same way that a woman can.

Women Want Agreement

Most women deal with a million issues in a 24 hour time period. They are mothers, employers, business owners, wives, daughters, and a hundred other positions. Sometimes what they want is to be held and feel acknowledge for all that they do. They just want to feel that they are doing the best job possible. A woman wants to know that her man is the last person to take her for granted. Men carry their own hats in a day. They tend to check out because they need to forget all that they endured. A woman needs validation to feel nurtured and when she asks for an opinion it is because she is self-conscious or doubting her own ability to make the right choices.

Women Don’t Want A Man To Fix Her

Men like to fix things. When a woman goes to her man with a problem but tells him that she doesn’t want it fixed the man tunes out. Men want to attack an issue and put it to rest. They aren’t able to analyze it and try to figure out fifty ways to overcome it. He just wants her to be happy. The moment a woman relates to her man that he is not to fix the problem, that man will stop listening and focus on something that can actually be fixed.

Men Are Thinking About Something Else.

Aman can be sitting quietly or driving his vehicle deep in thought about something that is important to him. He may even have his headphones on listening to music or a podcast while thinking. Men are not multitaskers. They tend to focus like a laser on whatever it is they are doing. So they tend to tune out anything that isn’t the thing that they are working on or thinking about. They aren’t ignoring their women. They are simply in their own head space. If a woman wants to be heard she needs to make the point to get his undivided attention in a loving fashion.

Emotional Response

John Gray says about men: Love brings up our unresolved feelings. One day we are feeling loved, and the next day we are suddenly afraid to trust love. The painful memories of being rejected begin to surface when we are faced with trusting and accepting our partner’s love.” Men have a tendency of feeling overwhelmed by the nurturing of love. They begin to check out emotionally as a survival instinct. It’s up to the woman to make time to ask about him and his needs. If she feels unheard then she needs to also show her partner the same respect she expects in being acknowledged. Men hate nagging. They tune that out immediately.

Men Hate To Be Interrupted

Let’s face it, most women can out talk a man. When she’s in the middle of sharing and then asks for an opinion but his opinion doesn’t size up to what’s in her head, she will continue bulldozing her way in the conversation. Men do not like to be shutdown or interrupted. It takes two to tango in a relationship and in a conversation. It’s not all one-sided. Remember that the word “listen” has the same letters as the word “silent.”

Men Are In Another Room

Women are constantly multitasking. They can be unloading the dishwasher, making dinner, feeding a child, and talking about everything that happened in their day. Her partner may be in another room, and although she is talking out loud, he really can’t hear what she’s saying. He can hear her talking loudly but he just can’t make out what she’s trying to convey. If you want to have a meaningful conversation with him wait to have him in front of you.

Men Just Aren’t Interested In Gossip

Men really could care less what happened in the celebrity world. They don’t care what happened to your co-worker with her husband. Your partner wants to know about you. He wants to hear you talk about your dreams, your life together and what pertains to his immediate world. On rare occasions will you hear him talk about his friends or their issues. If you can’t stand listening to him ramble on about video games, cars, sports or work, you can imagine how he feels about something that doesn’t pertain to him. Men get bored easily with these type of conversations.

Women Tend To Be All Over The Place

When a woman is overstressed her train of thought bounces around from subject to subject. Your man may be sitting there trying to grasp the connection but he just can’t find it. He becomes lost in the rambling of your thoughts. And, immediately he starts to run through his own day and to-do list. Men have a hard time juggling so much. It is uncomfortable for them. They prefer to talk about one subject at a time not five different ones that are loosely connected by how they made their woman feel. It is best to stay on one topic at a time when having a conversation with your man. He would greatly appreciate it.
Men, just like women, require attention. When speaking to your man use words of praise, speak in a loving manner, show that you care about him the same way you want to be loved and be authentically interested in what he has to say as well. Conversations are a two-way street. Listening is truly an attitude of the heart. It requires full participation from both parties.

20 Things To Do When You’re 30 That Will Make Life Better At 50




20 Things To Do When You’re 30 That Will Make Life Better At 50

Someone asked a bunch of 50+ people about things they wished they had done in their younger years. The answers are incredibly smart, and in most cases, simple. If you've recently hit the big 3-0, this is your homework.

1. Don't smoke. If you've started, stop immediately.

20 Things To Do When You’re 30 That Will Make Life Better At 50 - Don't smoke. If you've started, stop immediately.

"If you could see me now, I'm down on my poor, crackling knees begging you to at least consider stopping smoking," writes Quora user Cyndi Perlman Fink. It’s expensive, smells gross, and is 100% guaranteed to cause health problems. Want to be cancer-free at 50? Stop smoking.

2. Stop eating crap.

20 Things To Do When You’re 30 That Will Make Life Better At 50 - Stop eating crap.

"You can make a lot of money in 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s,...90s to buy the whole world when you are at age 50 or beyond," writes Quora user Sireesha Chilakamarri. "But, you cannot buy your health. Give up on fast food right now at age 30."

3. Maintain (or repair) relationships with parents and siblings.

20 Things To Do When You’re 30 That Will Make Life Better At 50 - Maintain (or repair) relationships with parents and siblings.

"...Chances are you've come across ideas and changed in ways that mean you don't see eye to eye with them on many issues. But then - that's part of what a family can help with - to learn to get along with people you don't agree with on many issues," writes Quora user Robert Walker.

"I come from a family which is very argumentative. If you didn't understand the situation you might at times think we hate each other. But it isn't like that at all. Rather, we free to speak our minds because the family ties are so strong."

4. Stop going out in the sun without sunblock.

20 Things To Do When You’re 30 That Will Make Life Better At 50 - Stop going out in the sun without sunblock.

"I was stupid. I didn't listen. Do you want wrinkles and thin skin from sun damage like I have and do you want bruises from just lightly touching the side of a box and having your skin peel off? Go ahead, enjoy lying in the sun without sunblock," writes Quora user Cyndi Perlman Fink.

5. Exercise regularly.

20 Things To Do When You’re 30 That Will Make Life Better At 50 - Exercise regularly.

Build an active lifestyle now, and when you're 50 you won’t be stuck in a Rascal. "Don't gain weight. Exercise. Keep your weight at a normal level that's good for your body," continues Cyndi Perlman Fink. "Weight does all kinds of bad things for you body. I've been fat, I've been thin, thin is healthier."

6. Start saving money. Even if it's just a tiny bit.

20 Things To Do When You’re 30 That Will Make Life Better At 50 - Start saving money. Even if it's just a tiny bit.

Save money. I know this is a boring, trite, and unsexy suggestion, but it's true," writes Quora user Cliff Gilley. "In your 30s, the average person has a lot of disposable income, some of which can almost always easily be set aside for use later in life. Plus, building the habit of saving early means you'll continue it further down the line."

7. Learn to be content with what you have.

20 Things To Do When You’re 30 That Will Make Life Better At 50 - Learn to be content with what you have.

"...Happiness is what matters far more than worldly success," writes Quora user Robert Walker. "If you are content with what you have then you may be a bit less likely to end up a millionaire, but you will have a happier life. And if you do become a wealthy person - is no reason why not, you'll be a more happy, fulfilled and productive wealthy person."

8. Don't delay pursuing your life goals.

20 Things To Do When You’re 30 That Will Make Life Better At 50 - Don't delay pursuing your life goals.

"Want to buy a house? Have kids? Write a book? Get a second degree or advanced degree? Change your career? Learn to play a new musical instrument? Learn to cook gourmet meals? Try scuba diving? Run for public office? Start a business and be self-employed? Then start today," writes Quora user Bill Karwin. "It's easy to put things off. "I'll get to that someday." But it's really true that time starts accelerating as you enter your 30's, and it keeps accelerating. The time that you'll get around to those dreams should be now."

9. Get some sleep.

20 Things To Do When You’re 30 That Will Make Life Better At 50 - Get some sleep.

"Use stellar sleep hygiene," writes Quora user Nan Waldman. "A dark room or sleep shades will block out light. No bright screens before bedtime. Go to sleep at the same time and wake up at the same time."

10. Take care of your teeth.

20 Things To Do When You’re 30 That Will Make Life Better At 50 - Take care of your teeth.

"...Go to the freaking dentist already," writes Quora user Caroline Zelonka. "Get your little cavities fixed as they come up. Unlike many body health issues, dental problems only get worse -- and things like crowns and implants are uncomfortable, time-consuming and expensive (like, close to five figures per tooth for an extraction, implant and crown). If you have a good savings and income stream, the bills won't be the painful thing -- but there's no getting around the pain and the time suck."

11. Collect memories instead of things.

20 Things To Do When You’re 30 That Will Make Life Better At 50 - Collect memories instead of things.

You are the sum of your experiences. Don't wake up when you're 50 and realize that you've wasted life gathering possessions. Memories won't depreciate and can't be burned in a fire. (Inspired by Quora user Richard Careaga).

12. Give something back.

20 Things To Do When You’re 30 That Will Make Life Better At 50 - Give something back.

"Give to others so you feel the goodness that service brings," writes Quora user Nan Waldman. "However you give, do it with your full heart, soul, and effort. Expect nothing in return."

13. Be curious and do one thing that scares you every day.

20 Things To Do When You’re 30 That Will Make Life Better At 50 - Be curious and do one thing that scares you every day.

"Get out of the house and have an honest-to-God adventure right now," writes Quora user Mary Leek. "Make it as big as you can possibly manage, take lots of pictures, throw caution to the wind, take on the risk, grab the brass ring. If possible, include someone you're close to - make a BIG memory. It has to be more than jumping out of an airplane - it needs to be measured in days, not hours or minutes. You'll still be smiling about it when you're old and creaky, I promise. I am."

14. Read at least 10 books a year.

20 Things To Do When You’re 30 That Will Make Life Better At 50 - Read at least 10 books a year.

"Gee I wish I spent more time watching TV and playing video," said no 50 year-old ever. Your brain never stops growing, so exercise it with media that matters. (Inspired by Quora user Vanitha Muthukumar).

15. Travel. As much as possible, whenever you can.

20 Things To Do When You’re 30 That Will Make Life Better At 50 - Travel. As much as possible, whenever you can.

"Traveling will change you like little else can. It will put you in places that will force you to care for issues that are bigger than you," writes Jeff Goins. "It's about experiencing true risk and adventure so you don't have to live in fear for the rest of your life. And...inspiring others to step out of that fear, too."

16. Learn to meditate.

20 Things To Do When You’re 30 That Will Make Life Better At 50 - Learn to meditate.

"The list of benefits is endless, it only costs you a small amount of time a day, the change in your life and the people you love will be amazing," writes Quora user Rens De Nobel. "And compared to ten years ago, there are long lists of scientific studies to back it up."

17. Stop comparing yourself to others.

20 Things To Do When You’re 30 That Will Make Life Better At 50 - Stop comparing yourself to others.

Trust me, the day your body starts to show the signs of wear & tear, you no longer see any fun in partying or trying to impress people around you," writes Quora user Satish Kumar Grandhi. "You need to start your path of self discovery right now to become stronger by the time you are 50."

18. Keep a journal.

20 Things To Do When You’re 30 That Will Make Life Better At 50 - Keep a journal.

"You WILL forget more of your precious memories that you'll remember," writes Quora user Mark Crawley. "Your written records will entertain and endear in your future (wish I had). Your computer should make this archiving all the easier to implement and retain / recall. Put files on memory sticks with photos. Your kids (or surviving spouse) may someday love you for it."

19. Become a homeowner.

20 Things To Do When You’re 30 That Will Make Life Better At 50 - Become a homeowner

"Buy a house, it'll be nearly paid for by the time you're 50," writes Quora user Liz Read.

20. Take care of your friends.

20 Things To Do When You’re 30 That Will Make Life Better At 50 - Take care of your friends.

"Choose people who make you feel like you already are your best self, who challenge you by their example, and who you genuinely enjoy," explains Nan Waldman. "Nurture them. Laugh with them. Be silly too. Contribute to their survival and enjoyment of life. Take the time every week to be in touch."

Saturday, October 22, 2016

10 Ways Mentally Strong People Handle Stress

10 Ways Mentally Strong People Handle Stress


Handling stress poorly can negatively affect your well-being, but the good news is that you can learn the 10 ways that mentally strong people deal with stress and start using these techniques today.
Stress that is unmanaged can lead to physical health problems like high blood pressure, but can chronic stress can also develop into depression, anxiety, and substance abuse. Rather than continue to handle stress poorly, let’s look at the 10 ways that mentally strong people handle stress effectively.

10 Ways Mentally Strong People Handle Stress

1. Accept that stressful events will happen

We all know that things are bound to happen to upset even the most planned out day, but mentally strong people acknowledge this up front. There is going to be something unplanned for that happens to you, but you can begin planning for it now. Tell yourself now that although you know something stressful may happen today, you are prepared to handle it.

2. Use multiple stress management tools

Researchers in the Journal of Occupational Medicine studied workplace stress management programs and found that one that included goal setting, problem solving, identifying and questioning negative thoughts, relaxation, and time management was helpful for people to handle stress effectively. This strategy of using multiple techniques to handle stress is one that mentally strong people employ all the time.

3. Take control

Mentally strong people look at what is causing the stress and look for ways to prevent it from happening again. By making changes in their environment, they can avoid or reduce causes of stress.

4. Affirmations

Use positive self-talk to remind yourself of just how capable you are when stressful situations come up. For example, say ‘I’ve handled situations like this before and I know I can handle this just fine too.’

5. Time management

Much of our perceived stress comes from not having enough time to get done what we want to get done. By planning ahead for lost time, we can make sure that we have enough time in the day for everything, without being stressed when something does inevitably delay us.
Related article: 7 Things You Don’t Need To Stress About, Even If You Think You Do
For example, if you have a full schedule and worry about being late to your next appointment, next time book your day with 20-30 minute gaps of time in between appointments. That way if there is too much traffic, the delay won’t seem as stressful to you due to the extra time that you planned in to your day.

6. Social support

Researchers studying how people handle stress found that a strong social support network was linked to mental well-being. Some people find it challenging to ask for help because they like to be self-reliant. We all need help at some point, so being able to recognize when you have reached a significant stress-level and ask for help to get yourself back to a calm state is an excellent skill that mentally strong people use to handle stress.

7. They do not avoid stress

The same study that showed that social support helped mentally strong people to handle stress found that if they used the technique of avoiding things that they thought of as stressful, their mental well-being decreased significantly.
Related article: 5 Things People With Panic Attacks Want You To Know
Avoiding is just a way of delaying handling stress. Running away from a problem never solved anything so choosing to face your worries and acknowledge the uncomfortable feelings while using another coping strategy is better for your mental strength.

8. See thoughts about stress as temporary

Thoughts come and go and some are terribly negative. Our awareness of our negative thoughts about stress is an excellent skill to have. This mindfulness can then be taken to the next level. Rather than avoid or repress negative thoughts about stress, see them as temporary mental events that will be gone fairly soon.
This is a strategy called ‘decentering’ by psychologists, where we challenge negative thoughts. We can choose to accept our negative thoughts as fact, or we can acknowledge that we were making a bigger deal than we needed to about the stressful event, and allow that thought to pass away from our minds like a cloud.

9. Look at the big picture

This one stressful event is not going to change the course of your life all by itself. You are still a fantastically talented, creative and intelligent person who just had a negative experience. Mentally strong people know that although the surface of the ocean is turbulent, deep down it is calm.

10. They find ways to add joy

Adding a few moments of laughter to a stressful day can be all it takes to handles stress well. Even in the midst of a crisis, being able to laugh at yourself for how you overreact or misjudge something is a way to shift from a negative mindset to a positive one. For example you might say, ‘Well that was silly of me to forget my wallet, but hey, at least I noticed it before I was at the cash register with a full shopping cart.’

15 Surprising Qualities Of The Creative Genius

15 Surprising Qualities Of The Creative Genius

Creativity. What is it? And how do you know if you’ve got it?

The most used buzzword in self-descriptions on linked in profiles for 2 years running.
The number one factor, across 33 industries, to which Fortune 500 CEOs attribute their success.

We’re fascinated by creativity and yet we continue to struggle in defining it. Perhaps we can benefit by examining those individuals hailed as creative geniuses.

Picasso, Einstein, Edison, Steve Jobs… What did all of these people have in common?
Below I list 15 surprising qualities of the Creative Genius!


1. Creative Geniuses are open to new experiences. On an individual level, psychologists have identified “openness to experience” as the single most important trait of exceptionally creative people. Creative geniuses make a conscious effort to introduce change into their lives. They often put themselves in situations in which they’re more likely to experience the unexpected.


2. Creative Geniuses have a high tolerance for uncertainty. Many of us cringe at the thought of the unknown and fear being out of control. Creative geniuses, on the other hand, have a high tolerance for uncertainty. Picasso was once asked if he knew what a painting was going to look like when he started it. He answered, “No, of course not. If I knew, I wouldn’t bother doing it.” In general, creative geniuses tend to care less about the destination and more about the journey.


3. Creative Geniuses practice diffused attention. Most exceptional creators are working on multiple projects at a time. They’re often restless and have a variety of outside interests. Psychologists refer to this as “diffused attention”, or defocused. While periods of intense concentration are useful for balancing checkbooks and taking exams, creative breakthroughs are most likely to occur when we’re in a state of diffused attention.


4. Creative Geniuses don’t care much about what other people think. Another trait common to creative geniuses is their utter and complete lack of self-consciousness. They simply don’t care what others think of them. Take Socrates’ nose, for example. Or Einstein’s hair. However, what they lack in self-consciousness, they tend to make up for in self-awareness. Creative geniuses are constantly reflecting on what they’re doing at any given moment and they’re always listening to themselves.


5. Creative Geniuses are more sensitive than most. The old stereotype of the sensitive artist is true. Creative geniuses are physiologically more sensitive to stimuli. In experiments, they consistently rate various stimuli (electric shocks and loud noises, for example) more intensely than less creative people. This could also explain why creative people periodically retreat from the world.


6. Creative Geniuses are unusually optimistic. While many of us approach a new challenge with, “Why?” Creative geniuses challenge themselves with, “Why not?” It seems that optimism plays an essential role in creativity for all of us. For example, one study found that optimistic employees are more creative than pessimistic ones.


7. Creative Geniuses are motivated by something other than personal gain. Contrary to many great artists of today seeking fame, success, or money, creative geniuses aren’t motivated by personal gain. They’re not doing it for themselves. At least, not only for themselves. Creative geniuses create in order to further their beliefs. They create with the distinct goal of making the world a better place and transforming it through the power of their creativity.


8. Creative Geniuses have cognitive flexibility. Cognitive flexibility is defined as the ability to see the world with new eyes. Creative geniuses view obstacles as opportunities. They possess this capacity to transform random events, even mistakes, into a chance to veer in an entirely new and unexpected direction. In other words, creative geniuses are able to switch tracks with ease. They value the process above all else, so they keep their minds and eyes open.



9. Creative Geniuses are active. Darwin’s theory of evolution came together while he was riding in the back of a carriage. Mark Twain was notorious for pacing his study. Mozart always traveled with scraps of paper tucked into his side pocket. Creativity requires kinetic energy and motion primes creative thinking. Creative geniuses understand this and make sure to stay active. They may not get anywhere physically, but such consistent movement allows them to travel far in their minds. As the saying goes, “I have never heard of anyone stumbling upon something while sitting down.


10. Creative Geniuses view themselves as outsiders. They may be part of a group, but they never quite feel as though they fit in. They are simultaneously accepted and shunned. Though not a comfortable position, it’s the perfect configuration for creative genius, as all genuinely creative ideas are initially met with rejection. Researchers at John Hopkins University found that rejection boosts creativity most markedly in individuals who consider themselves to be “independent minded”. That is, those who stand apart from the world and rejoice in their Otherness. Creative geniuses are always marginalized to one degree or another. Which makes sense since someone wholly invested in the status quo is unlikely to disrupt it.


11. Creative Geniuses make a lot of mistakes. The idea that highly creative people get it “right” the first time and don’t make any mistakes is perhaps the greatest myth of creativity. In reality, creative geniuses make more mistakes than the rest of us. This makes sense when we consider that the more shots we take at a target, the more likely we’ll eventually hit the bull’s eye (and the more misses we’ll accumulate, as well). Creative geniuses tend to rightfully view their mistakes as stepping-stones.


12. Creative Geniuses fail well. Closely related to their tendency towards mistakes, creative geniuses also know how to fail. They embrace failure because they know it can provide a useful learning experience, as long as it’s in the aid of a continuing process. Creative geniuses fail well. They fail until they get it right. They fail in a thoughtful and efficient manner. And perhaps most importantly, they fail early.


13. Creative Geniuses crave chaos. The word “chaos” is often misused as a synonym for “anarchy”. We seem to have given it a false negative connotation. But creative breakthroughs arrive in the midst of chaos. Thus, creative geniuses crave chaos. If it doesn’t present itself naturally, they produce it. Think about Beethoven’s notoriously messy desk, for example. Or Einstein’s messy love life. These are examples of self-induced chaos. Far from being an impediment to creativity, chaos is an essential ingredient.


14. Creative Geniuses are good at “connecting the dots”. All geniuses make the world a bit simpler. There is this chaotic mess of seemingly unconnected data and then someone says, “Wait, here is how it all fits together.” And we like that. Dots are connected. Relationships uncovered. Creative geniuses take great pleasure in connecting many phenomena, which at first sight appear to have nothing in common.


15. Creative Geniuses take a lot of risks. When stumbling upon a new path, we don’t necessarily know whether it will lead to a dead-end or a breakthrough. Creative geniuses don’t care. They take the path anyway. It helps that creative geniuses have a high tolerance for uncertainty because they are, by nature, risk takers. Risk and creative genius are inseparable. Sometimes the genius risks professional ridicule, and sometimes much more. But genius always comes at a price. Creative geniuses are simply more willing to pay that price than others.

How To Supercharge Your Dopamine Levels To Never Feel Sad, Stressed Or Depressed Again



How To Supercharge Your Dopamine Levels To Never Feel Sad, Stressed Or Depressed Again


– Regulating movement
– Controlling the center of pleasure and reward in the brain
– Improving the cognitive functions (knowledge, attention, memory, decision-making, evaluation, problem solving)
– Regulating the secretion of prolactin
Since it is extremely important for our wellbeing and happiness, the reduced levels of dopamine lead to various health issues, such as depression, sadness, negativity and various emotional troubles.
Fortunately, there are 10 effective ways to raise the dopamine levels in the body, without using medications:

1. Exercise

The exercise of every kind raises the levels of dopamine, serotonin, and endorphin. Regular exercise provides happiness, strengthens the body, reduces stress. Try the plank.

2. Avoid Addictions

Addiction to alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, and even shopping, provide an instant pleasure, but it is not a permanent solution. Additions only temporarily satisfy our needs.
Moreover, addictions alter our lifestyle in favor of the source of the addiction, and it is a wicked cycle. Therefore, you should try and lower the risk of developing addictions, enjoy life, and find things that provide deeper calmness and happiness. Also, it is of great importance to work a job you enjoy.

3. Detoxification

Make sure you regularly detoxify your system, as the accumulation of toxins and bacteria in the body prevents the dopamine production and weakens the immunity. Try this one.

4. Increase Tyrosine

Tyrosine is one of the 22 essential amino acids used for the creation of proteins. It is actually the most important chemical for the dopamine production of dopamine.
Besides dopamine, it also has the potential to elevate norepinephrine levels. In order to raise its levels in the body, you should consume green tea, watermelon, almonds, bananas, avocados, and dark chocolate.

5. Music

Dopamine levels are also increased through listening to music, even though it may be short-term. Therefore, use music as a common way to raise dopamine levels. And by the way playing an instrument makes you smarter (science reveals).

6. Organize your life

The levels of dopamine are raised in the case of organized small daily tasks, even though they are hard at times. You should write your tasks down on a piece of paper, and check them off. In this way, you will be satisfied as you note that you finish them one by one.
The Principles of Self-Management state that if a task represents a change of 25% (or bigger change) in the routine, you will feel unable to finish it, and often ends up with a self-sabotage or giving up.
If the task changes 10% of your routine, you will succeed to complete it, as you will believe it is small. Therefore, balance tasks to be 10 and 25% of new behaviors, in order to try new and challenging things, but still not too difficult to complete.

7. Creativity

The levels of dopamine in the brain are also elevated with a creative activity. This will also keep you focused. You do not need to become a world-known artist but try dancing, singing, writing, sculpturing, painting, drawing, cooking, knitting, making crafts, and auto repair, and you will feel much better right away.

8. Get a Streak Going

In this sense, “streak” will mean a visual reminder of the number of times in a row you do something. This is similar to organizing the tasks, and accomplishing them. This will raise the levels of dopamine, and make you happier and satisfied. You should use a calendar, written your goals, and plan when to complete them. As soon as you finish the task, mark it off on your calendar. Yet, the drawback of the ‘streak’ is routine, so you should find a way to enhance the performance.

9. Supplementation

Dopamine levels can also be raised through supplementation, such as:
  • Curcumin, the active ingredient in turmeric, effectively increases dopamine in the brain. (buy here)
  • Ginkgo Biloba has a potential to raise dopamine levels as well. (buy here)
  • Acetyl-l-tyrosine is a building block of dopamine, so a healthy dose of it supports the production of dopamine in the brain. (buy here)
  • L-theanine increases numerous neurotransmitters in the brain, including dopamine. Green tea is a rich source of l-theanine. (buy here)
Note: consult a doctor before using any of the above

10. Meditation

Meditation raises the levels of dopamine in a different way that cardio exercises. It improves your mood, creates mental energy, and relaxes the mind. Meditation is an efficient way to reduce stress on a daily basis. Harvard MRI studies proved that meditation literally rebuilds your brain gray matter in 8 weeks!