5 Steps To Stop Fear In Its Tracks
By
Erin Writes:
I rarely write publicly of my struggles with severe depression and anxiety. For several years, I have been answering reader questions privately via email, and I hope that by blogging about it here, more of you will find the help you are looking for.
During my recovery, I not only learned powerful tools and techniques to help with my mental health, I learned how to optimize my brain for better living, learning and working in general.
Spending time in and out of hospitals when I was younger left me unable to travel like I always dreamed I would. By creating a lifestyle business, I am now able to work anywhere in the world with just a laptop.
So, I’m making up for lost time, and I’ve noticed that travel brings up some little devils…
One of those is fear. You can insert your own fears here, but for this example, I’m going to take you step by step into how I stopped one particularly crippling fear from preventing me from living fully and having some fun.
A couple of weeks ago, I made my way to London for the first time. While I thankfully don’t suffer from a fear of flying, I do struggle with a peculiar fear of heights.
Taking a break on top of a mountain hike. Scottsdale, AZ
But put me in a glass elevator or take me to the top of a skyscraper, and in my mind, the world is ending.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), introduced to me by a wonderful therapist, was critically important in my recovery from depression. A bonus of learning it is that I have a toolbox to help me navigate the challenges of daily life.
Step 1) Catch The Thoughts
One aspect of CBT is catching automatic thoughts. This is a term coined by Aaron Beck, who along with Albert Ellis, pioneered the therapy. I like to look at CBT as a ‘crowdsourced” tool as there have been many brilliant people who have contributed to its development.
Negative automatic thoughts go on throughout our day without us even being aware of them.
For this example, I’m referring to three recent outings:
View of the Eiffel Tower from the top of the Arc de Triomphe. Paris, France
The London Eye.
Big Ben. Inside The London Eye.
The Shard. London.
Night View of Tower Bridge from the Top of The Shard. London, England.
“Damn it, they have put WAY too many people in this elevator. The cables are going to break, and I am going to die.”
(Out on the viewing deck as I inch closer to the window):
“Is this thing swaying?! Oh my God, this building is going to fall over and I am going to die.”
(Trying to walk right up to the window and look down):
“If I go too close to this window, it might break and I’m going to fall out and die.”
(And the more general beat down I give myself):
“I will never get over this. Why am I even doing this to myself? I should just quit going up in these things.”
Step 2) Acknowledge The Thought.
Once I catch one of these thoughts (and that part takes a little practice), I talk back in my own words. For me, it’s important that I talk back to myself this way. You’ll want to talk in a way that is natural for you.
“OK, Erin. Here it is. This is just a negative automatic thought. This is fear talking. You hardwired your brain for this by letting fear win for so many years. You can listen to it or you can go on with life.”
3) Counter The Thought
I was taught long ago to counter these thoughts as soon as I catch myself thinking them.
And by the way, it’s OK if you don’t believe your counter-argument. You are slowly rewiring years (in some cases a lifetime) of irrational thought pathways.
Catching the thought and countering it doesn’t cure it on the first try. This is a life practice, but stay with me, because it works.
Thought: “Damn it, they have put WAY too many people in this elevator. The cables are going to break, and I am going to die.”
Counter: “These elevators are safety checked, weight tested, and there are posted limits as to how much weight is allowed at a time.” (And believe me, I am counting heads and doing some math to hold the operator accountable.)
Thought: “Is this thing swaying?! Oh my God, this building is going to fall over and I am going to die.”
Counter: “Buildings don’t just fall over. This building was designed by expert architects and constructed by highly qualified engineers. It has passed rigorous safety inspections.”
Thought: “If I go too close to this window, it might break and I’m going to fall out and die.”
Counter: “These windows are made to withstand enormous amounts of pressure. A few people pushing up against them will never cause a break. I will not fall out of a closed window.”
Thought: “I will never get over this. Why am I even doing this to myself? I should just quit going up in these things.”
Counter: “I am ‘getting over this’. By continuing to confront my fear, I am slowly but surely overcoming it. Look at how much I have done. Remember, rewiring the brain takes time.”
4) Confront and Carry On
This is a saying I created to remind myself to keep going. It’s a throwback to the old “Keep Calm and Carry On” quote we see all over the internet. Be open to chances to be uncomfortable because it means you are working through fear.
It’s common to try this once and quit. As I mentioned above, there is no magic button. I practice, and I improve.
5) Reward Yourself
This is another of my additions. Each time I make progress, no matter how small, I take time and celebrate. Whether it’s a glass of champagne, your favorite coffee, a delicious meal or a simple high five with your partner in crime, remember to be kind to yourself.
Why Put Yourself Through This?
A friend once asked me why I insist on doing these things if it causes me so much stress.
Depression robbed me of a large chunk of my life. After recovering fully, gaining perspective and looking back, it also gave me great gifts.
One of those gifts is knowing that fear doesn’t have to win.
There was a time when I wouldn’t have even dared to go to the top of the Eiffel Tower, and now that I have (although it was a bit messy), it counts as one of the favorite moments of my life. I can’t imagine not having that.
(Please note:) While these techniques work for me, I am not a licensed therapist and certainly do not prescribe them. My goal is to write more about the struggles I have had and hopefully shed light on solutions that you may want to investigate further.
If this makes sense to you, I encourage you to find a local therapist who specializes in CBT.
And if you have techniques that have helped you, I’d love to hear about them in the comments.
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