8 Things No One Tells You About Masturbating
No, you're not supposed to use your fingers as a mini penis ramming into your vagina.
Fox
Aug 31, 2015
1. There is no way that you can masturbate so much that you will never be able to enjoy sex with a live human person. I
guess there's the idea you'll get so good at getting yourself off that
no one else can ever match it, but someone else touching you is always
better than you touching you. It just is.
2. It's not some weird thing that only creepy perverts do in alleys while wearing dirty nightgowns. Your
librarian masturbates (probably among the stacks), your doctor
masturbates (hopefully nowhere nearby), and all your friends masturbate
(possibly while texting you weird GIFs because multitasking is important
in today's modern world). They just do.
3. If you can't make yourself come by masturbating, that doesn't mean you are doomed for life. Plus how the eff are you supposed to figure out how to do it when we're all basically told this next one's true…
4. No, you're not supposed to use your fingers as a mini penis ramming into your vagina. Most
women can't even come by penetration only from a regular-size penis,
let alone this 3-inch dick finger, so yeah, that's a road to nowhere.
5. It still totally counts as masturbating if you're just playing with your vulva for hours while watching TV sans orgasm-fest. If
you're touching yourself and enjoying it, it doesn't matter that you
didn't have eight explosive orgasms. Honestly, I've had orgasms via
masturbating before and I didn't enjoy the masturbation part of it that
much (I guess my heart wasn't in it) so don't let that be the defining
thing that makes it "count."
6. Masturbating even though you have a boyfriend doesn't make you a cheating skank. First
of all, skanks are not a thing, and second of all, everyone masturbates
(see no. 2). Even if you love the person you're dating and they always
get you off, blah, blah, blah, they're still masturbating and you can be
too. If you need to work them into the equation, go for it. But if you
need to keep thinking about Chris Pine for your own reasons (like
reasons 1 through 12: Chris Pine), that's chill too.
7. Using sex toys doesn't make you bad at doing it yourself. Just
because you can't get off unless you're using sex toys doesn't mean
you're the world's worst masturbator. Plus, real talk: Sex toys will
almost always trump hands. They just will. Especially when it's midnight
and you're really tired and you don't feel like doing multitasking
circus tricks, but still want to get off super quickly so you can go to
sleep already. That said…
8. You can still
masturbate even if you don't have some top-of-the-line, Triple G-Spot
Orgasm Monster Sex Toy From Outer Space 3000. Spend a day
figuring out what works with your hands, the world's free-est sex toy
ever. (Though it is not dishwasher-safe, you guys. I've tried.)
Aug 31, 2015
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