Sunday, July 9, 2017

A psychologist explains why complaining is actually really good for you

A psychologist explains why complaining is actually really good for you

Complaining is good for you. Sounds odd, doesn’t it?
Well, despite what you’re led to believe, complaining actually has a lot of value to it, according to Professor of psychology, Hank Davis.

He says that if it’s something’s bugging you, it’s much more healthy to thumb your nose at it than keep it in. Here’s why:

1) It feels good.

According to Davis, complaining gives you a “sense of power, and hope” in situations where you feel powerless and alone. Nobody wants to feel like they can’t express their opinions and say what they really feel.
If we can’t change the conditions around us, we at least we deserve to be vocal about them.

2) You might get support.

If you’re vocal about people causing you trouble, others might start to take notice. With enough people on your side, maybe something can be done about it. People might be join you in your quest to rid the world of evil.

3) Negative emotions are natural and need to be let out.

Hank Davis says we shouldn’t be afraid to let out all our complaints out even their feelings that you’d rather not feel. Not all of them are going to be pleasant! Some might hurt and some might put you down in the dumps, but remember that this is completely okay.

By allowing yourself to feel these feelings full force and release them, you’re gaining a better understanding of what you’re feeling and where those emotions are coming from.

4) We can’t be happy and positive all the time

We’re often told to be happy and positive all the time. In fact, a huge positive thinking movement has spawned in recent years thanks to the Law of Attraction.
But is it really helpful to be positive all the time? Hank Davis say it isn’t.

In fact, Zen master Osho backs this up. He says that trying to be positive could actually be hindering us. He says that we need sadness to give rise to happiness:

“Sadness gives depth. Happiness gives height. Sadness gives roots. Happiness gives branches. Happiness is like a tree going into the sky, and sadness is like the roots going down into the womb of the earth. Both are needed, and the higher a tree goes, the deeper it goes, simultaneously.

The bigger the tree, the bigger will be its roots. In fact, it is always in proportion. That’s its balance.”

According to Osho, the problem with trying to be positive all the time is that isn’t authentic. He calls it “shallow happiness”. He goes on to say that sadness is actually a friend if you get to understand it:
“Sadness is silent, it is yours. It is coming because you are alone. It is giving you a chance to go deeper into your aloneness. Rather than jumping from one shallow happiness to another shallow happiness and wasting your life, it is better to use sadness as a means for meditation. Witness it. It is a friend! It opens the door of your eternal aloneness.”

5) Negative emotions are important for mental health

Recent research has found that experiencing negative emotions aids in the development of our mental health. The moment we suppress our thoughts, we tend to experience a counter reaction.

Life’s complexities and hardships can become beneficial for the psychological well-being of a person.
Hal E. Hershfield and Adler – both professors at New York University had undertaken a series of investigation to locate a link between psychological welfare and combined emotional experience. They conducted the survey via a 12-session psychotherapy program. The researchers found that mixing both good and bad experiences aid a person to survive events and tragedies.

An increased number of people are suffering due to the overriding bias towards positive thinking.
It is necessary and beneficial to cultivate positive emotions. But it becomes an issue when we start to believe that we need to be positive all the time. Life is also about distressing emotions such as sadness, anger, anxiety and we should accept and experience them.

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